[rwp-review id=”0″]
It’s been quite a while since we’ve had a good video-game representation in Hollywood, the closest one coming to mind being ‘Wreck-It Ralph’. That glimmer of hope, which showed that Hollywood had the ability to create good video-game based movies, was obliterated with the churning out of ‘Pixels’ – this movie personifying everything wrong with letting imbeciles take free reign over years and years of strong source material in order to create a film just so a quick buck could be made. Thus, one would think that with this possible pattern of rise and fall that we should see a new film that will raise our hopes once again; and at this point everyone turned to ‘Hitman: Agent 47’. Oh, how wrong we were…how very wrong we were.
Before this review continues any further, it’s only obligatory that I summarize the void of a story that feebly holds this movie together. The story follows Hannah Ware who plays the role of Katia Van Dees – a woman who seems to be experiencing heightened senses but at the same time has an immense fear of everything around her; imagine immense anxiety and fear mixed with an improved version of the spider-sense. She is on the hunt for her father because of…something to do with…umm…I actually forgot what persuaded her to find her long-lost father but I’m sure the movie has a convenient reasoning for that part of the plot. Anyways, mayhem ensues as Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) jumps in the fray and soon they find themselves pitted against an evil corporation and their endless legion of henchmen headed by John Smith (Zachary Quinto). I wish there was more to this plot than meets the eye but quite frankly there is so little depth to the story that one could explain the whole movie, start to finish, within a single tweet if one tried.
“Starting with the story and cast, it is quite obvious from the first 20 minutes of the movie that this film aims to offer nothing more than cheap thrills and gaping plot holes. Actually, saying plot holes infers that there was enough of a plot for holes to develop, when it reality it is just that the plot was so vapid and hollow that the movie barely touched upon the few questionable elements it brought in.”
Now with formalities out of the way, let us pick at movie. Starting with the story and cast, it is quite obvious from the first 20 minutes of the movie that this film aims to offer nothing more than cheap thrills and gaping plot holes. Actually, saying plot holes infers that there was enough of a plot for holes to develop, when it reality it is just that the plot was so vapid and hollow that the movie barely touched upon the few questionable elements it brought in. The movie uses such trite reasoning and plot gimmicks that it only digs itself deeper with even more questions being raised about the story. I would love to mention some the poor elements but in doing so I open up a few spoilers and quite frankly this movie needs whatever it has going for it just to get by without someone ruining its atrocious plot. What is even harder to criticize is the acting because you can see that the actors were given such insipid characters that even a 5th grader could have pulled off the same level of acting with ease. You know a movie has weak character nuances and development when watching Zachary Quinto chime out the most from his character is painful to the eyes.
So, if this movie did not do storytelling and action sequences right, what did it do on point?
Moving onto what really put the Hitman franchise on the map – the violence; for which the movie has plenty of but is soaked in stodgy CGI and worn out choreography. It is understandable that a Hitman movie can’t stay true to the game in terms of stealth, so in turn the movie should do justice to the fight scenes and the shoot-out scenes; the core word being ‘should’. Sadly, this movie does none of that! It’s clumsily puts together a handful of shoot-outs and hand-to-hand combat scenes that feel forced and immensely out of place. Also, here were quite a few scenes that felt overly choreographed to the extent that it felt like a spiritual successor to ‘step-up’. And halfway through the movie, it feels though as if the movie should have been re-titled ‘German Engineering’ because the amount of product placement for German-based cars is insane and terrible at the same time because it is so unforgivingly blatant! Especially in a chase sequence involving an Audi, with each shot of the chase feeling as though they were all just fragments of an advertisement for the vehicle.
So, if this movie did not do storytelling and action sequences right, what did it do on point? It showcased a hidden message that many movies till date have not gotten across properly. This message has been timelessly woven into multiple movies but none up to now have depicted this message with such grandeur and audacity. But you must be wondering – what is this hidden message? Simply put – stop letting Hollywood think they can market out poor representations of strong source materials! This movie blared that message across perfectly; it became ever so clear in a couple of scenes that were taken from the video game in order to excite the fan boys of the franchise.
This is what is saddening – they have created a movie that doesn’t appeal to anyone; for the fan boys – this movie manages to butcher the rich lore that binds the Hitman franchise together, while for newcomers to the franchise – it has created such a shoddy piece of work that it could possibly deteriorate any belief that a newcomer has about the Hitman universe.
If it wasn’t quite obvious then let it be known – ‘Hitman: Agent 47’ is a complete mockery of the Hitman Saga as well as video-game adaptations. It barely has any good points worth stating, and it is quite frankly clear that the studio that made this had only one thing set in mind during production – milk the cow till its skin falls off. Yet, if you’re ever in that mood where concrete characters and fluid story development don’t matter as well you just want to see some good ol’ fashioned gun totting violence backed up by mediocre special effects, in that case – The Expendab…oh wait, I mean ‘Hitman: Agent 47’ is the movie for you.
